Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
