I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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