this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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