since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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