shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
