I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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