Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize