i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
