Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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