FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
