I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
