those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
