Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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