I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
