just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
