I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
