Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
