listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
