I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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