I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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