Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
