like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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