I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
