you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You are a genius and a whore.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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