They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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