also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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