his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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