I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
