DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
