God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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