My liver just broke up with me...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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