Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize