Four minutes until I can fart!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
