I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
