My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
