I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
