Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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