I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
