I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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