Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
