look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
