Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
