Don't make out with my wife yet
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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