Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
