Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
