the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
we're so committed to being not committed
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
