"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
