you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
