shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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