I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
