If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize