what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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