Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
