is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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