my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
