I want to have your abortion
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
