don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
