yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
