theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize