I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
