Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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