Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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