Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
