You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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