did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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