Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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