Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
