just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
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