My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
