At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
