OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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