I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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