I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
