Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
