If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
