party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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