nut hugger
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
