when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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