I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
