69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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